Sunday, February 3, 2013

I'm still alive

According to Blogger, it's been a long time since I've logged in to post.  In fact, I'm pretty sure Google glared at me accusingly after I entered my password.

We have a very complicated relationship, me and Google.  Mostly, Google just runs my life and I'm all, "Okay, fine.  I'LL GO PICK UP THE KIDS, GOOGLE NOW, SHEESH.  I TOTALLY DIDN'T FORGET."

In all fairness, Google (YOU BULLY), I have had a lot on my plate.  I studied like a crazy person (and passed) a third test for work, among other things.  Don't ask me how to calculate a base rate using the pure premium method, because the hell if I know.  Apparently there were more questions on that test that I did understand than ones I just stared at in total bewilderment, so I passed.  Which is totally good enough for me.

I've got to take another one in another two months or so, so look for another bout of abject panic, followed by total blogger silence around that time.  Fair warning.

I've also begun semi-renovating our house, possessed by some mad urge to install new flooring and decorate a little.  You know, since we've been in the house almost six years now, I figured it might be nice for it to look decent, and all.  Apparently hanging things on walls does a lot for aesthetics.

Really, though--we moved into our freshly-built house and had a baby six days later, so decorating was pretty low on the priorities list at that point.  Add in an autism diagnosis a little over two years later, and I was all, "What do we need stuff on the walls for, again?"  Now that I'm not completely consumed with therapy twenty four hours a day, I finally feel relaxed enough to buy a damn picture frame once in a while.

It's a nice feeling, that.

In addition to studying while consuming massive quantities of caffeine, and wandering around Pier One with what is apparently a large blinking "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING" sign over my head, I have also recently become consumed with photography.

I know, right?  I think it's a sickness.  Apparently I'm completely incapable of learning new things like a normal person--I have to eat, sleep and breathe them until I get everything figured out to my satisfaction.  I mean, I'm starting to critique lighting in every random Facebook cellphone picture.  I notice bokeh in commercials.

It's BAD.  And I'm not even halfway decent at it yet.

My first official lesson is tomorrow, after which I will post all of the pictures my instructor frames and sets up for me, and shamelessly take credit for them.

What?  I'm pressing the button, sheesh.

In the mean time, know what else consumes me pretty much totally, in addition to photography?  My kids.  And autism--that fickle bastard that's never far around the corner.  Sometimes (as in the recent crop-up of echolalia that is driving me to the brink), I hate it with a passion.  It leaves me worried, stressed out, and bewildered.

Other times, though?  It's almost beautiful, the symmetry that my child just inherently feels.  I can't find my shoes most mornings (and apparently neither can he), but every single Cars 2 and Thomas the Train toy he has is constantly accounted for.  I'm pretty sure he could give me each one's GPS coordinates, if I asked.

I don't ask, but I am trying to capture this ghostly beauty that autism has brought into our lives.  On the days when I think I'm going to cry if I hear the same string of words come out of his mouth one more time, these few snapshots have been centering me, somehow.

This is what autism looks like in our house.

Cars 2 - Tractor Tipping.  No joke.

Everywhere.  Trains are everywhere in my house.  
Also: BOKEH!

A rare full-on face shot.

Who loves reading about Cars 2?  WE DO!

The troops.  Every last one of them.

Seriously, Memory played the NORMAL way is for suckers.

Lightning McQueen's number is 95.  WHO KNEW?

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